I discovered that this faith, Christianity, is limiting. It limits the way God “works.” It limits the way God manifests. It even restricts where God dwells and how God is worshipped and who can worship God and God’s name and gender. Everything that isn’t Christian is pagan and is of Satan with residual likenesses of God’s truth. Church people say, “Even the devil knows the Bible.” Christianity says the world must be saved. But it moves through the world like a colonizer, using religious indoctrination. It strips people of their identities and replaces it with dogma and this inevitable association with sin. It speaks of love but alienates through condemnation and fear. This is how I experience Christianity.
The author of this article beautifully summed up where I currently stand in regards to Christianity. The words above are what stuck out to me the most. As a believer in God, it has been natural or obliged that I believe in Jesus too. Growing up in a strict Pentecostal home I was always taught to believe there is only one true God, Jesus. You couldn't dare question or oppose. Throughout the years Jesus and I have been in an on-off relationship, I've done a lot of soul-searching but one thing always remained, my belief in God. To some Christians, the ability to separate the two is impossible because of their strong beliefs that Jesus is God. However, take a second to think its possible to simply just believe in God.
Now don't get me wrong I do believe Jesus existed, I do believe he was a man of great wonder, I do believe it's possible that he was the Messiah. However, I've been having a hard time believing this is a life that was expected of us. Where we forget who we really are, humans. We forget our true selves and dignity in the name of religion. Think of it this way, everyone who doesn't believe in Jesus is automatically sent to the depths of hell? Or anyone who thinks differently on who or what is our God is automatically wrong? I do feel like that's a bit presumptuous of us. How are we the ones calling the shots on who has the ticket to heaven or not? Where a celibate church-going evangelist prayer warrior that won't lift a finger to help someone gets the golden ticket. Yet a mere believer in God is automatically put in the "Going to Hell" category alongside Muslims, Gays, and what/whoever is frowned upon in the Christian viewpoint.
Now, of course, there are different kinds of Christians out there that interprets The Bible differently. That alone is a problem. There is a lack of consistency in the Christian Religion. There are Methodist, Lutheran, Penacostal, Baptist...
You go to one Church that allows pants then you go to another that doesn't. Why? Because that was "Jesus" aka the congregation wants. You go to another church that accepts homosexuality then you go to another that doesn't. Why? Because that's what "Jesus" aka the congregation wants. You never really know what to expect when you step through another church doors.
When you travel and learn more about different major religions, one thing typically remnant, God. I have and always will be a strong believer in God. However, I have chosen to no longer be a slave to the doctrines that has never brought me anything but fear. Fear that if I don't pray every day I'm losing touch with Jesus. Fear that if I don't go to church every Sunday, I'm losing touch with Christianity. Fear that if I practice different customs I'm going straight to hell. To the point where I ask myself am I doing this because I don't want to go to hell or if its the right thing to do.
Being completely transparent, it's hard for me to even fathom the thought of a life without believing in Jesus. It seems so taboo. Subconsciously, I felt like I stopped believing years ago but I kept telling myself I need to believe in him so I can make it to heaven...so I can have an advocate...for when he comes back to earth...and takes all the good Christians. I also feared once I stop believing in him my life would go to shit! Asking myself who would I pray to when a loved one is ill, or if I'm in need of a miracle? The answer has been there all along, God. That's one diety I've always believed in. He has proven himself from the moment I open my eyes, gazing at his marvels. From the plants to a whole other human being.
I continue reading the words of The Bible because I do believe there are truth and light. I will go to a church of my choosing for the sense of community. However, I choose to no longer confine myself in the religion of Christianity. I want to live a life selflessly, to be the best me I can be. Giving life my best shot while thriving to make the people around me feel loved. Understanding that each person in life has a purpose in life and it's not to be perfect but to understand we are not. I do believe there is a higher power bigger than us. As a result I belief in a God, whatever you interpret from that is up to you...
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